The Great Pretender

Patti loves Kurt Vonnegut. Probably always has. Knowing her, she picked up one of his books when she was in junior high, maybe earlier, and just started reading — not because anyone told her to, probably, but because she’d read his name somewhere or saw his works referred to by someone else whose books she enjoyed reading.

She’s a bit of an explorer, that Patti.

I read something by Vonnegut once, a short story or two, I don’t remember. I’m quite certain I had something else going on at the time, so, as usual, I wasn’t paying full attention.

(I always seem to not catch on in time, sometimes.)

Anyhoo, upon hearing of Vonnegut’s death, I e-mailed Patti because I knew she’d be sad. He was one of her heroes — and if you know Patti at all, you know she doesn’t toss out words like “hero” to too many people. Which is probably for the best, really.

This morning, I found myself thinking about this Vonnegut quote:

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”

What are some of the things I pretend to be?

• Aware
• In control
• Interested (I try to be, but when it’s not all about me … I struggle.)
• Responsible

There are many more, of course;* these are simply a few of the ones I don’t mind sharing, mostly ’cause people have probably figured them out already.

What are some of the things you pretend to be?

* — I couldn’t resist throwing in a semicolon, in part because Vonnegut apparently hated them:

“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”

(I will admit: I’m trying to cut down on semicolons. Although I have to say that one of the things I love about me is that I know exactly how to use them. So put THAT in your drok pipe** and smoke it!)

** — There are, basically, no limits to my capacity for drokdom.

Whoa Is Di

A few years ago, Sheila gave me this cool little book called Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English by Patricia T. O’Conner. It’s a pretty nifty handbook for people like me who like to string words together, occasionally, and want to construct complete sentences and get the punctuation just right.

Except when I don’t.

I like the book ’cause it’s straightforward and not very long, and the author has a relatively good sense of humor — Chapter 6, for example, is titled “Comma Sutra: The Joy of Punctuation.” And did I mention the book isn’t very long?

Yesterday, I awoke with the phrase, “Woe is me,” in my head. Of course, I visualized it as “Whoa is me”; nevertheless, it reminded me of the book, so I got to thumbing through Woe Is I and forgot, momentarily, about what was on my mind.

I had this “Woe/Whoa is me/I” mentality because I was feeling the proverbial weight of the world and worrying about things that were beyond my control (and others that were very much IN my control … or had been, at one point), and I started to feel as if nothing would ever be right or “normal” again. As if I were a victim in the cruel scheme of life.

The thing is, I was a victim once. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. And I know it was absolutely not my fault, and that there was nothing I could have done differently to prevent it.

And I learned from it. Oh, did I learn from it.

I shook off the “Woe is me” blues and decided that any obstacle in front of me is simply a challenge waiting to be taken on. And, guess what: I’m up for it.

Now watching: West Side Story on TCM (yes, the mild fascination with Natalie Wood continues … but I’m not so fascinated that I’m not going back to bed ’cause, honestly, it’s way too early to be up on a Sunday … plus I have more cupcakes to bake, later).